So.

I saw these at the store today, and thought of Badou.

( Incredible. )

( I think you should put them on right the fuck now. )

Yeah I got nothin'.

So.

Badou.

I'm glad that you're making friends and stuff. Overjoyed, really.

But see, I got this teeny little complaint.

Okay, if Manry were maybe, oh I dunno, over 18, I wouldn't MIND that she flounces about in the morning in nothing but panties and a tee-shirt. First thing I want when I get up is a cigarette and some coffee. Not half naked loli. I am disturbed and somewhat frightened.

Also, I think that perhaps she got our rooms confused, because I really don't think she would have meant to leave her bra on my door knob.

I really really don't want children's services called. I don't want to go to jail again.

And before you ask, NO. I wasn't in jail for pedophilia, I broke a guy's skull open with a pipe wrench. It's a long story. Be quiet.

Lastly, if your midget friend's dad really does decide to kill you, I'm in no way involved with any of this. Got it? Fantastic.


Edit: ALSO, MISTER VERY LARGE BLOND MAN. Hoppenheimer or whatever.

Stop fucking with my little brother or I'll cap you.

Fucking laser tag is more brutal then I fucking remembered it being. Fucking Kratos. You don't take HOSTAGES in LASER TAG. We didn't HAVE to hold Yellow for ransom. You've got some issues, dude.

I'm gettin' too old for this kinda shit.

But whatever. It's been brought to my attention that there's gonna be some animated shit based on our comic book thing or whatever, so I figured I'd look into it while recovering from laser tag induced collapsed lungs. So I found this promo video. And naturally, I screen capped it to make fun of Badou.

( Cut to spare your poor eyes the horror of animated Badou. )

I didn't think it was possible to make Badou look even more feminine, but it seems I've been proven wrong.

Requesting permission to skip training on account of my asthma. SIR. That quarter of a mile I kinda jogged did me in. Not all of us can be Jesuses or whatever you are.

If permission is denied, I'll go into hiding anyway. I'm a master at hiding, you'll never find me. I won't even leave a smoke trail.

BY THE WAY, YELLOW.

( Sorry it's late, but I got you this thing. )

Happy birthday and junk. <3

(ooc: lol and I'll reply when I get home from work. :|)

You fuckers lost me. I have NO fucking idea what's going on. The one fag's a dog the other fag is a tiger/lion hybrid. All the other fags are goddamn KIDS.

( At least I can poke fun at Belfag. )

Anyway.

So. Valentines day, right.

( <3 )

What do you do after you rape Helen Keller?


( The punchline. )


Your turn.

You know Winnie the Pooh, right?



Well today I was taking a dump. And I was thinkin', "wow I really have to shit." Shit. Poop. Poo. Pooh. Winnie the Pooh? Or POO? Winny the Shit? Pooh bear or POO bear? Bear made of poo? Why the hell is he called 'THE POOH', he's a goddamn bear. Isn't his name WINNIE? So why does everyone call him THE POOH? What the hell is this teaching our kids. NAME YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS AFTER DUMPS.


THE POOH.

Christopher Robin is a goddamn little faggot.

Being an uncle was fucking weird. You're not allowed to reproduce for real, Badou. The world is not in need of any more Nails'.

By the way.

I'm saving each and every last one of these pictures I took of you being Le père magnifique. My favorite is PROBABLY this one here where you were playing dress up/tea party with Yellow. You should wear your hair in pig tails more often.

Vampire chick. Thank you for not killing my brother. Even though he probably deserved it. Also I am not a drunkard pot head.

It is time.

For a word association game.

The first word is "Shitforbrains".

I know it's kinda late but.

I just sent/gave some presents to some people.

I hope they don't suck too bad and stuff.


((ooc: Since I'm too lazy to go picture hunting here's a fucking list:

Badou got two new pairs of jeans that don't have blood and ash and poop all over them, a fancy new lighter with a gold engraved picture of an eagle fighting a shark on it, and 'Mr. Necky'. DAVE FOUND MR. NECKY YAY.

Blue got like, a fancy food and water bowl set and a new doggy bed ,and her puppies got matching collars which they're gonna have to grow into a little bit but IT'S FUCKING ADORABLE OKAY.

Squalo gets a pair of leather gloves and some uh. Oil for that supposedly rusted jerk off hand. And a box of glow in the dark condoms for the lulz

Yellow gets a stuffed Pikachu and a yellow scarf with a matching cap mittens. BECAUSE SHE'S YELLOW.

Naoto gets colorful lap blanket to toss over the back of her couch since her flat is so drab and booooooring. Plus a Christmas card.

Yoko and Kittan get some kind of house plant since we be crashing their pad. :|

And that's probably it because Dave doesn't know a lot of people. :|))

Whose face do I have to break.

Hey cocks.


Where the fuck is my retarded little brother. I owe him a wedgie.

I BETTER SEE YOU EATING YOUR FUCKING SHOES YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

WHAT PART OF "PLEASE DON'T PISS OFF THE ASSHOLES WITH GUNS" DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND.


Just.


FUCK.

Who: Badou nicotine_patch, Dave oops_i_fell
What: Dave insists upon teaching Badou how to drive. Naturally, all hell breaks loose.
When: I don't fuckin' care, today?
Where: Varia land
Why: Badou driving a car, come on.
Rated pg-13, for swears. Which there are a lot of. THEY'RE NAILSES.


( Okay, chill. try it again, THIS TIME, make sure it's in REVERSE. That's the R. It KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A P, but it has a little STICK on it. )

Ffffff. Shit is so fucking dull. So I stole this from that frostboy kid for kicks.

The Life Experiences Meme: Mark an X next to all of the life experiences you have had. Total them up as you go. Write how many experiences (out of 140) you have had in the cut tag.

( 68/140. I am SO fucking interesting. )

Whateeeeeeeeeeeve

So.

Hi. I'm Dave. I'm sure a few of you know my obnoxious little brother, Badou. Figured I'd "BE COOL" and join this little internet thingy.

I'm out of shit to talk about already.

SO, here's a display of Badou's imaginative artistry.

( HAND TURKEY by Badou Nails, age 6. everyone go D'awwwwwwwwwwwww with me. )

He USED to be adorable. Now he just smells funny, apparently.

EDIT: THE THING COULD KICK THE HULK'S ASS. BADOU KNOWS NOTHING.